Unintended Cultivator

V13 Chapter 64 – Don’t Be Absurd

“That student of yours is a frightening man,” said Song Lan.

Feng Ming lifted an eyebrow at the same time he lifted the cup of wine to his lips. He didn’t know why he bothered drinking the stuff anymore. Even the special wines made for nascent soul cultivators didn’t do anything to him. He legitimately couldn’t remember the last time he’d been drunk. Not that he’d ever been in the habit of getting drunk. A man didn’t survive to have a long life if he left himself vulnerable like that too often. Not with as many enemies as he’d had. Still, if a friend offered you a glass of wine, taking it was the polite thing to do. So, he sipped the wine, made an obligatory approving noise, and put the cup back down on the table.

“I hope you don’t expect me to agree with that assessment,” he answered.

“You don’t think he’s frightening?”

“Why would I?”

“Normal cultivators don’t simply shrug off an advancement and carry on with their day, after fighting and killing a devil.”

Feng Ming shrugged and said, “Normal cultivators are soft. Sects coddle their inner and outer disciples too much.”

“I wasn’t in a sect!”

“Calling it an order instead of a sect doesn’t mean it wasn’t a sect.”

Song Lan glared at him but seemed to decide it wasn’t worth the argument.

“You’re making light of my point,” she said.

“No, I’m making light of sect training regimens. You are all too soft on your disciples.”

“Only you would say that.”

“Nonsense. Kho would agree with me.”

“Saying that one madman agrees with another madman is not convincing, even if you are both hatefully gifted.”

It was an old refrain that he’d heard far too often, and more than a few times from the woman sitting across from him. It was a particularly ugly kind of envy. He gave her a very steady look while he spoke.

“If you’ve convinced yourself that Kho and I got to where we are on talent alone, I’ve sorely misjudged you.”

Song Lan had the good grace to look embarrassed by the rebuke. An awkward silence fell between them before the woman met his gaze again.

“I apologize. I know that you didn’t simply wander to the peak of the mountain on luck alone.”

Feng Ming nodded and said, “Thank you. It grows irritating to have people say that you didn’t earn it.”

“Can you say that Lu Sen has earned it?” asked Song Lan.

“That is a question, isn’t it?”

“Do you have an answer?”

“I have an answer. I have several of them, in fact. Whether any of them is the right answer is something else entirely.”

The woman frowned at him and said, “You taught him. You know him the best of all of us. By which I mean that you know him at all.”

Feng Ming made a scoffing noise.

“You know him. You’ve been traveling with him for some time now.”

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

“I can hardly say that I know him. He was a baffling presence the first time I met him. When I met him the second time, he was like an entirely different man.”

“Children do tend to grow up.”

“That’s a very trite way to avoid all of my questions.”

“Fine. You want to know if he can say he’s earned it. Well, let me ask you this. How do we measure that? He’s personally killed more spirit beasts than anyone I’ve ever even heard of. Is that enough to say he’s earned it? He’s been through just as many tribulations, if not more, than anyone else at his current advancement. Except, he’s done all of it in the span of two decades. I was there for some of those tribulations, Song Lan. The heavens weren’t going easy on him. Would you have been willing to endure all of your tribulations that close together?”

Song Lan shuddered and said, “Heavens, no.”

“Is that enough to say he’s earned it? It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that he’s getting special attention. Why? I have no idea. Sen has a theory, but I’m not going to tell it to you. Firstly, it’s not mine to share. Secondly, I don’t know if I believe it. But here’s the thing I’ve learned about special attention. It cuts both ways. That’s not just true for Sen, but anyone who gets special attention. Is he getting benefits that others don’t? Yes. Is he suffering for those benefits? Also, yes, and in more ways than one. I assure you, he doesn’t want to be where he is right now.”

“I’d guessed that much. He isn’t blatant about it, but it’s there in his eyes sometimes. The look that says he’d much rather be somewhere else. But it does beg the question. Why is he where he is?”

“Because I pushed him into it. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that I dragged him into it while he was kicking and screaming. The difference is hard to discern sometimes.”

Song Lan studied him for several long moments before she asked, “Why would you do that?”

There was an accusation in that question that Feng Ming heard loud and clear. It was even a fair accusation. Why would anyone with a conscience do something so terrible to their own student? Given that Feng Ming knew better than anyone what all of this was costing Sen, the accusation was particularly biting.

“There were many reasons.”

“Would you care to share any of them?”

Feng Ming smiled at her and said, “Sen can be a frightening man.”

“Why didn’t you just—” she started before he cut her off.

“But he isn’t just a frightening man. He’s also a kind man. That’s one of the biggest differences between him and me. He actually cares what happens to the mortals and cultivators in this world.”

“And you don’t?”

“No.”

“He hasn’t seemed particularly kind to me.”

“That’s because you don’t have anything to compare him to. If I’d been in charge, there wouldn’t be a living monarch or noble left to waste air in the conquered provinces north of us. And I promise you that far, far fewer cultivators would have survived.”

“So, that’s why you made him do all of this? Some kind of displaced empathy?”

“Don’t be absurd. I did it because I’m selfish. I already told you, he cares what happens to all of those people. How do you think he would have looked at me if I’d done things my way?”

“Oh, I see. You don’t care about the mortals or the cultivators. You do care about him and how he sees you.”

“All fathers care about how their sons see them.”

Song Lan fell silent again as she stared at him. Then, she nodded.

“Yes. I suppose they do.”

“Of course, that wasn’t the only reason. I am still his teacher. Sadly, he’s raced to the nascent soul stage so fast that now he has to learn the hard lessons.”

“Which hard lessons?”

“All of them, I expect. But you ran your…order for a long time. You know what kind of decisions come with being in charge.”

“You have to learn how to sacrifice others.”

“That may be the biggest one, or at least the most difficult. He still isn’t very good at that.”

“No?” asked a dubious Song Lan.

“I’m not talking about the kind of killing you can’t avoid when you conquer a place. I’m talking about sacrificing people that you don’t actively despise. Your subordinates. Your juniors. Do you think Sen ran off to fight that devil because he was aching to prove he could? He did it because those cultivator scouts died. He was angry and feeling guilty about it.”

Song Lan frowned and said, “But their deaths were the most likely outcome. Even if that devil hadn’t killed them, the spirit beasts almost certainly would have. It was simply that the benefit of more information outweighed that potential cost.”

“Which you understand. Which I understand.”

“But he doesn’t.”

“He does. He just hasn’t accepted it yet. Given the chance, he’d much rather put himself in danger than someone else.”

“Of course,” said Song Lan with a knowing nod, “an emperor can’t do that. By pushing him into that position, you’re forcing him to come to terms with those kinds of sacrifices.”

“Among other things.”

“That’s a harsh way to teach.”

“It’s a harsh world. Not that I imagine he’ll thank me for putting him in the position to learn these lessons. I’ll be lucky if he only resents me for it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I hear that many sons resent their fathers.”

Feng Ming snorted in amusement and said, “That’s some cold comfort.”

“Sometimes, you take whatever comfort you can find.”